It sounds simple, right? You date, get married, have kids and everything will work out for the good. Well, unfortunately that only happens in the movies. In America the current divorce rate for first time marriages is 41% (and subsequently 60% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages per Newsweek). That means that basically 2 out of every 5 first time marriages are going to end in divorce. If we include second, third and more marriages that takes it up to 3 out of every 5 marriages. Basically that means that currently the odds are better that every marriage will end rather than succeed. That shows that something is definitely not working and needs to be fixed.
For many, the problem is simple and complex at the same time. We have fallen into routines. We assume that one spouse (usually the female) will do most or all of the household chores and the other spouse will primarily bring home the meat of the paycheck (usually the male, but this has been changing as more women are being promoted to higher paying executive jobs and breaking through that glass ceiling). The problem with this is that we tend to ignore each others personal needs. Especially with young children – we tend to put our lives on hold and this can be disastrous to any relationship.
When we ignore or take our spouses for granted this can easily lead to a breakdown in communication, a loss of interest and boredom. Most marriages aren’t ended due to spouse abuse, finances or similar matters. The biggest reason is boredom and the subsequent infidelity that usually follows. When you take someone for granted they will feel undesired, bored, and eventually fall susceptible to the advances of other suitors. Instead of letting this happen in your marriage take the time to rekindle the love, desire and interest that first caused you and your spouse to fall in love. You did love them when you married, right? Unless, of course, you married for money, prestige, or to fill a empty void in your life. If any of these are true than you married for the wrong reasons and I can’t help you (I’m not singling out female gold diggers here as men are equally as guilty of this).
It’s amazing the number of people that I know that married for all the wrong reasons and are now suffering for it. Divorce hurts – it hurts you, your spouse and your kids. Hopefully you married someone for the right reasons. Someone that you loved, still love and that made you very happy for all the right reasons. Well, it can easily happen to all of us to get wrapped up in work, household chores, community events and hobbies, and the kids. We tend to forget our spouse and when this is allowed to happen over long periods of time we can grow quite distant. This can be fixed.
Stop it right now by using the most powerful three words in any relationship – I love you – and mean it. Take the time to talk with your spouse and tell them how important they are to you and that you are sorry that you have been neglecting them and their needs. This is important even if you think your spouse is the one most at fault. It takes two in a relationship and as many experts will tell you it is always better to admit fault even if you are not wrong to end an argument or start talking again. Good open communication is essential to a happy relationship and marriage with your spouse. Yes, there are some individuals and personalities that thrive on chaos, stress and bitter arguments and that is messed up. If that’s the case in your relationship more power to you.